MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Holidays. Show all posts
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Andrew Stratford's Top 10 Worst Christmas Songs of 2009
Well, folks, it's that time of the year again. The holiday lights are glowing, and the weather, it is snowing (clever rhyme!), and there is a quiet peace that permeates the air. It is Christmas. And yet, every time I turn on the radio, I hear some of the WORST Christmas songs! They should all be banned from the airwaves! They destroy Christmas! You know exactly what I'm talking about. The songs whose sappiness just reeks from the speakers. The songs that take a classic and piss all over it.
Those songs.
And so it is now my goal, no matter how impossibly large of a task it may seem, to see that the following songs are banned from ever being played on any radio station ever again.
10.) The Little Drummer Boy
This song is only the 10th place song on the list because it actually builds throughout the song pretty well, and just about every time I hear it I get way into the climax. However, it cannot be denied that the song is the very definition of repetitive. A person can only take so many rum pum pum pums in a single song. Plus, the subject matter is awkward. You have the Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the cows, the shepherds, the wise men, and then....the drummer boy? I don't understand where he got thrown into the mix.
9.) The Christmas Song
This one takes number 9 because it is pretty sappy and a bit overly-nostalgic. And narcissistic! - I mean, who ever dubbed this song as The Christmas song? Some clever songwriter decided that he or she had pretty much written the Christmas song of Christmas songs...and then named it that way!
8.) Sleigh Ride - by the Carpenters
I can only listen to so much of this song without getting a headache. It has a way of being....all over the place. I don't know, though. This might just be my aversion towards the Carpenters' music spilling over. It's really not all that bad as far as holiday songs go, but it certainly deserves a spot on this list, and not a spot on the airwaves.
7.) Breath of Heaven - by Amy Grant
I will freely acknowledge that there will be many of you who will disagree with this one. It seems that my entire family not only enjoys this song, but is actually moved by it at times. I am hardly so moved, and find that this song has too much....too much....too much Breathy-ness. Too much of the 1990's. It is strangely reminiscent of those over-the-top seminary videos... I don't know. To each his own.
6.) Feliz Navidad
"Feliz Navidad" is the kind of song hat you hear once in the morning and it's stuck in your head the entire rest of that day. It's catchy, I'll admit. It's in Spanish, which actually makes me biased in its favor. But the thing that kills me is that THIS SONG ONLY HAS ONE VERSE. It repeats, and then it repeats that repeat. And then for some reason they repeat the whole thing over again. I will always wonder, Who wrote this, and why didn't they write more verses to it?
5.) All I Want For Christmas Is You - by Mariah Carey
OH COME ON. This song has cliché written all over it. "All I want for Christmas is you, baby!" That is so terrible. Did the songwriter actually think he or she was the first person to think of that line?
4.) Wonderful Christmastime - by Paul McCartney
I make no secret of the fact that I am a huge fan of the Beatles. But I really wish that when Paul wrote this he had the other three members of the band there to tell him that this song was actually really cheesy. Perhaps I just don't like it because one of my old roommates used to leave this song on repeat at his desk while he did his homework because he loved listening to it so much. I guess I just got a little tired of hearing "Simply having a wonderful Christmastime! Simply having a wonderful Christmastime! Simply having a wonderful Christmastime!" over and over and over again. It's like a bad Old Navy commercial.
3.) Deck the Halls - the Mannheim Steamroller version
Although anything by Mannheim Steamroller can be annoying after the first ten seconds, this song especially made the list simply because just about every radio station that broadcasts Christmas music plays this song at least ten times each day. You know which one I'm talking about. This is the really....bouncy...version. The kind that sounds like it drinks a little too much coffee in the mornings. We could all go without this classic-Christmas-song-destroyer.
2.) The Christmas Shoes - by Newsong
"Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir? Daddy says there's not much time....And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight." Where do I even begin??? This song sets records for how sappy it is. It has the WORST rhymes and terrible "filler words" to make it fit with the meter. It changes keys at EVERY VERSE. It EXPLICITLY tries to teach the listeners a lesson. It uses the phrase "...if Mama meets Jesus tonight". The genre is Country. I could easily go on, but I think this post is too long as it is.
And now, the worst of them all...
1.) Where Are You, Christmas? - by Faith Hill
This song is only played on the radio because either 1) it is sung by a very beautiful woman, or 2) it fills that central need every human being has to just burst out in apostrophe: "Where are you, Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why did you go away? Where is the laughter you used to bring me? Why can't I hear music play?" (a terrible rhyme, by the way) (and the last line screws up the meter like crazy). And the worst thing is that this song really only makes sense in the context of the movie it comes from! I mean, how well can we REALLY relate to this? How many of are so depressed that we feel like Christmas has just...gone away? (And why can't we find it!)
Add to the list! What holiday songs do you loathe, abhor, or despise?
Those songs.
And so it is now my goal, no matter how impossibly large of a task it may seem, to see that the following songs are banned from ever being played on any radio station ever again.
ANDREW STRATFORD'S TOP 10 WORST CHRISTMAS SONGS OF 2009:
10.) The Little Drummer Boy
This song is only the 10th place song on the list because it actually builds throughout the song pretty well, and just about every time I hear it I get way into the climax. However, it cannot be denied that the song is the very definition of repetitive. A person can only take so many rum pum pum pums in a single song. Plus, the subject matter is awkward. You have the Baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the cows, the shepherds, the wise men, and then....the drummer boy? I don't understand where he got thrown into the mix.
9.) The Christmas Song
This one takes number 9 because it is pretty sappy and a bit overly-nostalgic. And narcissistic! - I mean, who ever dubbed this song as The Christmas song? Some clever songwriter decided that he or she had pretty much written the Christmas song of Christmas songs...and then named it that way!
8.) Sleigh Ride - by the Carpenters
I can only listen to so much of this song without getting a headache. It has a way of being....all over the place. I don't know, though. This might just be my aversion towards the Carpenters' music spilling over. It's really not all that bad as far as holiday songs go, but it certainly deserves a spot on this list, and not a spot on the airwaves.
7.) Breath of Heaven - by Amy Grant
I will freely acknowledge that there will be many of you who will disagree with this one. It seems that my entire family not only enjoys this song, but is actually moved by it at times. I am hardly so moved, and find that this song has too much....too much....too much Breathy-ness. Too much of the 1990's. It is strangely reminiscent of those over-the-top seminary videos... I don't know. To each his own.
6.) Feliz Navidad
"Feliz Navidad" is the kind of song hat you hear once in the morning and it's stuck in your head the entire rest of that day. It's catchy, I'll admit. It's in Spanish, which actually makes me biased in its favor. But the thing that kills me is that THIS SONG ONLY HAS ONE VERSE. It repeats, and then it repeats that repeat. And then for some reason they repeat the whole thing over again. I will always wonder, Who wrote this, and why didn't they write more verses to it?
5.) All I Want For Christmas Is You - by Mariah Carey
OH COME ON. This song has cliché written all over it. "All I want for Christmas is you, baby!" That is so terrible. Did the songwriter actually think he or she was the first person to think of that line?
4.) Wonderful Christmastime - by Paul McCartney
I make no secret of the fact that I am a huge fan of the Beatles. But I really wish that when Paul wrote this he had the other three members of the band there to tell him that this song was actually really cheesy. Perhaps I just don't like it because one of my old roommates used to leave this song on repeat at his desk while he did his homework because he loved listening to it so much. I guess I just got a little tired of hearing "Simply having a wonderful Christmastime! Simply having a wonderful Christmastime! Simply having a wonderful Christmastime!" over and over and over again. It's like a bad Old Navy commercial.
3.) Deck the Halls - the Mannheim Steamroller version
Although anything by Mannheim Steamroller can be annoying after the first ten seconds, this song especially made the list simply because just about every radio station that broadcasts Christmas music plays this song at least ten times each day. You know which one I'm talking about. This is the really....bouncy...version. The kind that sounds like it drinks a little too much coffee in the mornings. We could all go without this classic-Christmas-song-destroyer.
2.) The Christmas Shoes - by Newsong
"Sir, I want to buy these shoes for my mama, please. It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size. Could you hurry, sir? Daddy says there's not much time....And I want her to look beautiful if Mama meets Jesus tonight." Where do I even begin??? This song sets records for how sappy it is. It has the WORST rhymes and terrible "filler words" to make it fit with the meter. It changes keys at EVERY VERSE. It EXPLICITLY tries to teach the listeners a lesson. It uses the phrase "...if Mama meets Jesus tonight". The genre is Country. I could easily go on, but I think this post is too long as it is.
And now, the worst of them all...
1.) Where Are You, Christmas? - by Faith Hill
This song is only played on the radio because either 1) it is sung by a very beautiful woman, or 2) it fills that central need every human being has to just burst out in apostrophe: "Where are you, Christmas? Why can't I find you? Why did you go away? Where is the laughter you used to bring me? Why can't I hear music play?" (a terrible rhyme, by the way) (and the last line screws up the meter like crazy). And the worst thing is that this song really only makes sense in the context of the movie it comes from! I mean, how well can we REALLY relate to this? How many of are so depressed that we feel like Christmas has just...gone away? (And why can't we find it!)
Add to the list! What holiday songs do you loathe, abhor, or despise?
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
"The Crappiest Generation of Spoiled Idiots"
This is my better-late-than-never Thanksgiving post.
Watch this video from Conan.
His name is Louis C.K.
He makes a good point!
BE GRATEFUL.
DON'T TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED.
Amen.
His name is Louis C.K.
He makes a good point!
BE GRATEFUL.
DON'T TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED.
Amen.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Easter Sunday
Today was Easter. Church services were beautiful. The weather was similar.
My older brother gave me a ride home to have family dinner for Easter Sunday. I come from a big blended family of a mom, a step-dad, and nine children in total (some of which are married or dating a significant other), so for me 'family dinner' is really an understatement for a giant family feast where all fourteen plus of us are crammed around an unbelievably incompetent dinner table, and there are always loads of jokes from my boisterous step-brothers and lots of awkward foot-in-mouth moments compliments of my mother.
This time, however, it was only six of us. My mother and step-dad, my brother and his girlfriend, and my sister and me. As I write this I realize that this is actually a very typical size for a family dinner. Please understand, though, that at the time the whole thing made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't stop fidgeting in my seat the entire time (or was that the funeral potatoes?).
Then comes the best part of the entire experience: my parents decided that we ought to stick with tradition and have an Easter egg hunt ("Tradition!"). This was also a bit strange to us all, but each of the children quietly acquiesced and we each were allowed one at a time to go outside and look for Easter eggs ('one at a time' because the younger children always get a head-start because they aren't as quick or as clever as the older children, or so says the tradition). I'm sure we were quite a sight for the neighbors to see: four grown adults, three of whom are in college, all wandering around the front yard with baskets in hand in search of little colorful plastic eggs that are filled with small candies. My mom made a point to grab the camera because she wanted to take pictures of how much fun we were (not) having.
Going back to the importance of following tradition, each Easter egg hunt must include a special and extra-large golden egg, and a not-as-special-but-still-slightly-valuable and extra-large silver egg, which contain a ten and a five dollar bill, respectively. Despite my odds being one to three that I would find one of them, I still ended up wandering around our front yard in vain because my brother sister each found one of the special eggs, and I didn't.
After it was all over, my mother came up to me and said that I practically kicked the silver egg around while I was looking in the flower patch where my mother said, "It was hidden in plain sight, right where anyone could see it, Andrew."
Needless to say, I can't wait for next year.
My older brother gave me a ride home to have family dinner for Easter Sunday. I come from a big blended family of a mom, a step-dad, and nine children in total (some of which are married or dating a significant other), so for me 'family dinner' is really an understatement for a giant family feast where all fourteen plus of us are crammed around an unbelievably incompetent dinner table, and there are always loads of jokes from my boisterous step-brothers and lots of awkward foot-in-mouth moments compliments of my mother.
This time, however, it was only six of us. My mother and step-dad, my brother and his girlfriend, and my sister and me. As I write this I realize that this is actually a very typical size for a family dinner. Please understand, though, that at the time the whole thing made me so uncomfortable that I couldn't stop fidgeting in my seat the entire time (or was that the funeral potatoes?).
Then comes the best part of the entire experience: my parents decided that we ought to stick with tradition and have an Easter egg hunt ("Tradition!"). This was also a bit strange to us all, but each of the children quietly acquiesced and we each were allowed one at a time to go outside and look for Easter eggs ('one at a time' because the younger children always get a head-start because they aren't as quick or as clever as the older children, or so says the tradition). I'm sure we were quite a sight for the neighbors to see: four grown adults, three of whom are in college, all wandering around the front yard with baskets in hand in search of little colorful plastic eggs that are filled with small candies. My mom made a point to grab the camera because she wanted to take pictures of how much fun we were (not) having.
Going back to the importance of following tradition, each Easter egg hunt must include a special and extra-large golden egg, and a not-as-special-but-still-slightly-valuable and extra-large silver egg, which contain a ten and a five dollar bill, respectively. Despite my odds being one to three that I would find one of them, I still ended up wandering around our front yard in vain because my brother sister each found one of the special eggs, and I didn't.
After it was all over, my mother came up to me and said that I practically kicked the silver egg around while I was looking in the flower patch where my mother said, "It was hidden in plain sight, right where anyone could see it, Andrew."
Needless to say, I can't wait for next year.
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